Empty bowls and beds

It's hard to believe it's been a whole week since I said goodbye to the best dog ever. When Jessie passed away, I put away her crate and bed and bowls in the garage the same day. I just didn't want to see them. But with Casey, I just can't bear to put them up. So I walk by Casey's bowls in the kitchen every day. There's still a few bits of kibble in the bowl, but I don't want to take the step of throwing them out and washing the bowl. Every night, I go into the bedroom with an empty crate in the corner. I have Casey's collar hooked on the headboard so he's still sleeping next to me like always.

I know one day in the not too distant future, I'll have another dog(s) in the house. The dog beds will be full of snoring, the bowls will be filled and emptied regularly, and the toys will be played with instead of laying forlornly in the same spots for a week. But for now, I just miss my baby.

Until we meet again

It's too soon. Not just too soon after losing Jessie. It would be too soon if it was next year, or in ten years from now. It will always be too soon to lose a dog like Casey, because he was the best dog. I loved all my pets, and I've mourned for losing all of them. But sometimes you're lucky enough to get a dog who's more than just a dog, who becomes absolutely a part of you. Your doggie soulmate. Casey was all that and more to me, and nothing short of my whole life is long enough to spend with him.

I fell in love with Casey the moment we met, one cold December night in 2008, a bright blue scarf tied around his neck. He smiled at me, and then he licked my ear, and we belonged to each other immediately. It wasn't all roses -- the cats took a long time to forgive me, and Casey caused all the mischief that a teenage boxer is going to cause. He was so smart, learning how to get out of his crate no matter what and even mastering the Doorknob Principle to open doors on his own! This earned him the nickname Houdini. I tried everything to keep his crates inescapable. I don't feel like I succeeded so much as he just decided that he would humor me and stay inside if I wanted him to. Casey trained to be a therapy dog, but he just loved life and was so exuberant that he couldn't quite master the final temperament test. But I didn't mind, because that led me to start fostering with LBR instead. Casey was the BEST foster brother and had a knack with helping new dogs find their feet in our house. I know that many of his fosters siblings are going to be welcoming him to the Bridge with enthusiastic jumps and barks.

No matter what he did, Casey touched everyone he met. He became an LBR ambassador by writing the blog for LBR, where we both met some lifelong friends who made a big impact on our lives. He loved going to LBR events, whether a home visit or gift wrapping at Barnes & Noble, because he would invariably get fussed over by everyone. In addition to being a good foster brother, Casey was an amazing brother to his siblings here. Cinderella and Jessie both came to us as fosters, and it was Casey who let me know that they were at their forever home. They played and snuggled and slept together. The kitties weren't his fans at first, but he never stopped trying to convince them to let him love them. Eventually both came around, and I treasure the moments of them snuggling together. Cinderella, Jessie, and Scribbles are going to be so excited to meet him at the Bridge and snuggle with him again! I picture them all running around together and can't help smiling through tears.

But most of all, Casey was his Momma's boy. We had a bond that I've never had with any other dog, and I know I won't have with any dog in the future. He's always been happiest when he can snuggle with me, no matter where we are. He loved going on walks, his head up and eyes bright as he looked for anyone who might come by to say hello. Even in his young and wild stage, he still loved best to cuddle up to me on the couch, watching TV or playing on the computer. It didn't matter what we were doing, as long as we were together. He was my Handsome Man, my baby boy, my Casey. Helping him over the Bridge was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I owed it to him to not let him slowly lose what he was until his dignity was gone, he was in pain, and there were more bad memories than good.

I still can't picture a world without Casey. It doesn't seem right that such a world should even exist. One day, my handsome man, we'll meet again. Until then, watch over me from above and remind me you love me in my dreams. <3

Casey Houdini Westerfeld
10/17/2007 - 5/11/2018

Aunt Joni!!

Look who came to visit me last night!

It's Aunt Joni!! She was my foster momma and saved me way back when I looked like THIS

She helped me get all healthy and learn what the good life is like, then she helped me find MOMMA! She's the bestest, obviously. It was so wonderful to see her!

Today Momma says Grandma and Grandpa are going to come over to see me, and then tonight Auntie is bringing Cousin Simon over!! OMD, how exciting! I don't know why Momma calls all of this saying goodbye. It's just "see you later." I'll be watching everyone from the Rainbow Bridge soon. Just because I'm playing up there doesn't mean I won't be around, especially in Momma's heart. And that's the best place to be, right?

Time to say goodbye

Today was not the vet visit we wanted. They didn't even check Casey's heart. The vet looked at how he was standing and walking, and heard how he's been acting lately, and he concluded it was neurological. That means his cancer has metastasized into his brain, and there's nothing left to do. It would be a month at most of watching a painful decline. So I've made the decision that I'll help him to the Bridge on Friday, after two days of the most spoiling I can manage.

Devastated is too mild a word. I can't handle this.

A special visitor!

Dawg, I should've tried playing sick a long time ago! Guess who came to visit me last night because I wasn't feeling well??

MY BOY!! It's my Boy!! I loves him so much, and he came just to see ME! (And Auntie and Auntie Jess were there too, but I only had eyes for my Boy.)

I've got my vet appointment at 3 today, so keep those paws crossed please!!

Power of the Paw

Hey furiends, I'm not feeling so hot lately. I'm starting to have a lot of trouble moving around, and yesterday I just sort of fell over on a walk and didn't want to move again. (A neighbor ended up driving us home.) Momma is afraid that my heart condition is getting worse.

I have an appointment with my specialist tomorrow afternoon. Please cross your paws that they can just adjust my meds and everything will be fine. To say Momma is spazzing out would be a drastic understatement. I don't like seeing her all leaky.

I'm ready for my closeup...

So yesterday Momma came home in the middle of the day, what a treat! Not just for lunch either. She made thing everything was pretty, then a new friend showed up -- Miss Malana. And guess what SHE was there for???

Yup, she wanted pictures of yours truly! We were doing a photo shoot for LBR's calendar. I'm going to be Mr. October, so I posed a bit with my Halloween bear.

Momma was sad, because we were supposed to do the pictures at a beeYOUtiful sculpture garden she'd found. So many pretty backdrops! But then it's stormed for the past two days straight, so Miss Malana did the shoot at our house.

It was hard work, furiends, but hopefully we got some good shots! I even posed for some pictures with Momma and a few whole family shots, so we'll see what turns out! Miss Malana said if we don't get the right pics, we'll try the sculpture garden later.